So we’re almost 9 episodes into Season 3 of The Vampire Diaries, and not a re-cap to be found! But fear no longer, fellow apprehensive vampire-lovers, I’m here to help.
An inordinate amount of plot is all that this show consists of, so I’m just going to give you some bullet points of things that have happened this season so far:
- Elena, ignoring Damon’s stunningly handsome looks, continues to look for Stefan, who, as it turns out, has assumed his pre-“I-stopped-killing-people-because-I-love-humans” persona (which everyone has apparently named “the Ripper” –Because he rips people apart. Get it?)
- Stefan is only casually mutilating humans in order to honor the deal he made with Klaus to essentially be his vampire man-servant. This is all for the sake of love, of course, because Stefan doesn’t want Klaus to realize that Elena isn’t actually dead. Well, it WAS all for the sake of love, until Klaus compelled Stefan to “switch it off” and now he has no feelings except rage.
- Klaus is a hybrid vampire/werewolf, because pop culture demands that you can’t have one mythical creature without its partner, and is seeking out other werewolves to make them hybrids. After tons of complicated complications, mostly involving witchcraft, his first successful turn is Tyler Lockwood, who is now brainwashed by how much he loves Klaus (not in a sexy way. even though..let’s face it, he’s super hot.)
- Tyler is dating Caroline. It’s still sickeningly cute.
- Jeremy is dating Bonnie, but then he starts seeing his dead girlfriends as a side effect of Bonnie bringing him back to life after he died that one time, and now he and Bonnie are no longer.
- Matt has been screwed over in every way but the good way this season so far. He’s lonely, confused, surrounded by witchcraft, his dead sister almost killed him, and then he had to send her back into the beyond by way of more witchcraft. Dude needs a therapist. Pronto.
- Now that Stefan claims to not love Elena anymore, she still won’t give up on his Bieber-face and is determined to break the compulsion that he’s under.
- Alaric is essentially the new guardian for Elena and Jeremy, and he’s teaching Elena how to defend herself against mean vampires. Aka her ex-boyfriend. Did I mention Damon and his perfect body are RIGHT THERE and she’s spurning his advances?!
- Damon is trying to love Elena as he always has, but also correct this whole “estranged-psycho-brother” situation, so he has a lot on his plate (also in Episode 1 of this season, Stefan killed Andie. But everyone seems over that now. *sigh* this show.)
- Klaus’s sister Rebekah has come into the picture, and she is awesome. Blonde, british, a Caroline competitor for cheerleading captain and new Tyler love-interest. She was in love with Stefan so she hates Elena, and now she’s just doing her bitchy thang all over the damn place. She’s submissive to her brother, Klaus, but more on that soon.
- Klaus and Rebekah have been running from a mysterious “Michael” character who is a vampire hunter of sorts, but he’s also a vampire. Damon and Alaric and Elena, the dream team, have been looking for Michael so he can kill Klaus. And Michael was dead, but Katherine woke him up. Because she’s brilliant. and of course by brilliant, I mean stupid.
- Alaric found some stick figures on a cave wall that are apparently ridiculously old viking drawings that–get this–KLAUS AND HIS FAMILY DREW. AAAH. Okay. Cue flashbacks. The original family is MICHAEL (I know right. plot twist) and whatever the Mom’s name was, Klaus, Rebekah, and Elijah (who if you remember, is dead now or something). So Michael is Klaus and Rebkah’s father. They weren’t always vampires, according to Rebekah. They lived in peace with a werewolf village (what?) and dicked around a lot with swords until their abusive father made that stop real quick. Their mother is the ORIGINAL WITCH (GASP) who turned them all into vampires, but she couldn’t be a vampire because..well she was a witch, and apparently that’s the only combination in the world that’s not allowed on this show. Rebekah spent her whole vampy life thinking that Michael killed her mother, but Elena discovers that Klaus did, and that’s how we left the last episode.
- Michael showed up at a bar where Stefan, even though he’s been starved of blood by the back-from-the-dead-dead-for-a-hot-second Lexi (who is dead again, btw), is with Damon, who has taken Stefan out of his cell and let him feed on some common folk, because it’s apparent that Stefan’s switch isn’t about to turn on again. OR IS IT. Michael threatens to rip out Damon’s heart unless Stefan told him where Klaus was, and Stefan saves Damon! AWWW <3 but we still don’t know how he feels about Elena.
- DID I MENTION HOW GORGEOUS DAMON IS ELENA TAKE ADVANTAGE.
- There’s a lot of cute pillow talk between Damon and Elena.